2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
