New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Let's get the cat blown out
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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