Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
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After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
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Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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