just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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