dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
