the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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