Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize