She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
