I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize