So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
