highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
