I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Oh god it's open bar.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
