I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize