You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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