theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
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