What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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