Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
