i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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