I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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