I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
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