Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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