Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
