I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
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Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
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Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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