i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize