Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
