holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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