I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
