I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
