Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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