We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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