Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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