Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Dignity is for republicans.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
