Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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