OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
