I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
