After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize