Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
