got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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