On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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