I think my vagina is haunted
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
