i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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