Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
