So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
