how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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