Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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