I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
