After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
