6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
