Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
