every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize