I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
