i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
