All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
