Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
