I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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