I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I am spending my child support on dildos
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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