I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
BRING THE BAGELS
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
