If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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