You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
