I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
