Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
