My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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