Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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