does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Randomize