come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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