babies were throwing up all over the place
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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