There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
