i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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