Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
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Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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