try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
