remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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