the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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