Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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