Small penises have feelings too.
The best revenge is premature balding
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
