bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
