He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
this must be what syphilis tastes like
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
