How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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